I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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