Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
