the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize