I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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