me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
