Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
