His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
