i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
