WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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