how can u be prego again
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
