just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize