This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
