in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
