did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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