he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
