And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize