I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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