Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm too high and old for this...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
