I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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