my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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