Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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