Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
