His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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