alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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