You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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