By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
