nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
