just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
