dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
