I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My balls are so social today.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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