that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I believe in your delicious
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
