My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
