did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
