i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
