so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
