good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
