Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
