If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
