there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
