So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
