haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
