On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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