So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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