i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm both gender and math confused
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