she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I AM VODKA MAN
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
