he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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