it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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