Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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