I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Text me some of your sweat
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
