he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
