When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will be naked everywhere
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize