Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
