i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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