Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize