apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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