Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
