im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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