That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
