There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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