She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
