I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I smell stomach acid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
