I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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