Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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