just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
