Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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