They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
