Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
