He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
