he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
