The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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