Your dad touched me again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
