Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
