Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
