My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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