Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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