Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
