In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
