I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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