um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
