omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
