I cannot find my penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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