How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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