And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
