I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
