Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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