Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
