New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
