If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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