Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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