then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
