I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
