I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
