All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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