I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
