I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
