Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
