I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
