i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
