I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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