He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
