Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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