i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
