I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
