Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
