Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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